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#4 Kris McQueen

Height: 5'9"
Width: 24"
Weight: 135 on a good day
Nicknames: Bullie, Queenie, Kitt's wife
Position: Offensive Handler
Favorite tournament food: Beef jerky
Quote: "Fuckin' recognize!"
Years with Mischief: 2003-2007
A founding member of the International Federation for Competitive Eating, Kris was once the recordholder for soft-boiled eggs, steamed clams, and organic peanut butter before a freak on-field collision during the 1992 Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest broke his left mandible and cost him the rest of the '92 season. He retired in 1994, citing an extreme distaste for IFCE groupies and an unwillingness to finish out his "grossly underpaid, travesty of a contract".

Worst injury: The followthrough on a backhand huck scientifically proves that Kyle Schleifer's face is tougher than my hand, diagnosis is broken 4th metacarpal. In a cast for 2.5 weeks, a splint for 2 additional weeks, back on the field playing ultimate (and hucking backhand) 6 weeks later.