photo: Chris Doyle
#8 Wes Chao
Weight: 340 lbs
Stack Iso Calls: Explosive hippo poo, gay incest, Tapatillo, Les Glau
Position: Defensive handler
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
But aren't you Chinese: Sorry, I mean Horse
Favorite grizzly: Blue-tailed grizzly chicken
Favorite tournament food: Ramen w/ poached egg
Favorite historical figure: Winston Churchill
Roshambo: Nothing beats rock
Favorite color: blue
Quote: "Mm... not so much."
Years with Mischief: 2004-2010
|When Wes was a lad, bad hair and a piteous lack of fashion sense were the least of his worries. Eyes bigger than his stomach and then a stomach bigger than his double helpings of Big Macs and Bagel Bites gave him more than his share of middle school misery, and all those Math League trophies failed to protect him. But growing up as an ungainly fat kid gave Wes the hunger to excel, and he entertained dreams of becoming a veterinary oncologist - until he failed a test distinguishing cancerous growths from ordinary nipples in canines. This may have broken his pride, but not his heart. Wes fought back from the depths of despair - losing 312 lbs (yes, he used to weigh 652 lbs!) and that awful mullet - and gained a place in all our hearts.|
With handler cuts as sharp as his visual acuity and defense as tenacious as a terrier's, watch out for Wes to slice through other teams' defenses like he used to slice through piles of potato chips and get interceptions like he never could in high school gym class. Then be prepared to take out your hankies - Wes might need them - as he expounds upon his love for Mischief in the post-game huddle. With the biggest heart and the smallest bladder known to man, Wes plays ultimate like he lives his life - with tenderness and ferocity.
Worst/Funniest injury: Dislocated my finger; asked my teammate to find an EMT to pop it back in.
Five minutes later, an ambulance, two squad cars, and a fire truck show up
at the fields.